S2 E1 | A Different Season For A Different Season
In an effort to preserve my feelings on why I moved the podcast into a second season, I’ll leave it in writing. The first season, or what episode 1-20 would now be know as, had found its close after a combination of two experiences.
Before I get into it, I’ll have you know that I believe in living in alignment. In my freest of wills, a path still lays prepared ahead of me - something I find incredibly comforting especially in times like these. It is then by my own decision that I either walk that path or that I forge a different, defiant path. There are times where I don’t even recognize which path it is that I’ve willfully taken until I’ve veered into the brambles and the struggle has become unbearable. It is then when I come to a realization that I have misaligned myself with a path I had intended to take. Gratefully, there are no bounds outside of grace that I could not be led back into alignment from. Say what you will about what this path means out of context but I can attest to the division in my being, body, spirit when I’ve split myself from a path that had been thoughtfully and lovingly paved for me. When I am in alignment, when I walk boldly and confidently in step with intention and purpose in my life, I experience a peace and wholeness that reassures me that I am right where I need to be, doing exactly what I need to be doing.
All that being said, in the past three weeks since the release of Episode 20, I’ve been in the brambles and not even known it.
The first experience that, I suppose, had been meant to tug at my awareness of where I was standing was in the multiple attempts at an Episode 21 featuring the designer and creative director of a street wear brand. The first attempt failed after I had mistakenly forgot my microphone at my apartment, an hour commute away, and then the battery on my camera that I use to record video footage for the feature died. It was then not until coming back from a trip to California to spend Thanksgiving with my sisters in Yosemite Valley that I found my second attempt at the episode was no good either. The setup and the interview seemed to have gone smoothly but when reviewing the recording I discovered that the file had been corrupted. In the months of recording the podcast in different locations with different setups, I had never had any trouble recording or retrieving recordings. After the second attempt, I couldn’t shake a nagging feeling that something was off.
The second experience I had paralleled to the failed second attempt. In the few days I was in California, I had conversations with a few of my sisters expressing how I been feeling disappointed in our relationship by a lack of affirmation and validation. A feeling of one too many ignored phone calls. After long conversations and tears shed, it seemed to be the consensus that we would readjust our expectations based on what we could offer and what our capacities would allow for. We would care for each other from afar and quietly love in the midst of our distance. The plane ride back to NYC felt lonely and not even seeing the starry city skyline could offer me comfort. But even as I fell back into routine, I sensed something had shifted. On the day I accepted that I wouldn’t be able to recover the corrupted audio files, I was humbled to a perspective revealing how selfish I had been.
Life has been hard, for everyone - there’s no question in that.
However, the question that was arising for me was, what am I doing here? In steeping myself in the depth of that question I was finding that I had been mistaking a fruitful season for a barren one.
Recording time: 56 minutes
Edit time: 3 hours and 54 minutes
Intro and Outro Music composed by: Carl Swenson
Sound Mixing: Carl Swenson
http://carlswensonmusic.com